How to be a good mother? We strive every day to do the best for our children and we take care of their diet. We attend to their needs, we play with them, we teach them to walk, read, we fulfill their wishes and we hug them when they feel fear.
Now … How do you know if everything we do is correct? In the education of children one should not at all seek to be the perfect mother or father.
It is actually something much simpler. We must be in every step of our children offering support, encouraging their independence and, of course, their happiness.
Another aspect that we must be very clear about is that educating does not mean “offering the child everything he wants”. It means giving you what you really need at all times.
This means that on many occasions we will have to say “no”. We have to set limits, and act in a way that your child may not like. However, that is not why you are going to be a bad mother.
Let’s talk about this interesting aspect today.
1. Ignore him during a tantrum
Your child may have reached that age where he has started asking you for things. He wants you to leave him your cell phone, that dessert after dinner, that toy that a friend has seen. And you have refused to offer it. This is when the child overreacts, screaming and kicking.
You won’t be a bad mother if you choose to ignore it. It’s the best you can do. If you attend to these types of behaviors, you are reinforcing them and giving them the opportunity for this attitude to “serve a purpose”.
Tantrums should be ignored because they are useless. It is a childish blackmail mode that you should never attend to.
2. Not helping him with easy tasks
If the child does not learn to solve easy tasks very early and that have to do with his daily objectives, it is possible that he reaches adulthood without being autonomous and without being responsible for himself. It is a danger that we must learn to correct very early.
Refusing to tie her shoes every day or to do her homework is not being a bad mother. Thus, we encourage them to be responsible.
Maybe at first I will protest and tell you “it’s that I don’t get it, it’s that I don’t know, it’s that I’m doing it wrong.” Nothing happens, it does not matter if the bed has made her wrong or if she has made a mistake in her duties.
The bottom line is that tomorrow you will try harder and do better. You will find that you can take pride in yourself by doing things without help.
3. You are not a bad mother if you use the word “no”
Child psychologists tell us that the critical age when children will start to want to make their own decisions and even challenge you is from 8 years old. At this time they already acquire some basic concepts of what justice, morality and respect are.
Therefore, we must do our best to guide them in the most appropriate way. They need love, support, and lots of daily guidelines.
Saying “no” more times than we wish to our children is not being a bad mother. It is setting limits, it is teaching them what can and cannot be done.
If today you forbid him to play on the computer before doing his homework, make sure that this rule is followed every day. If the rules are not stable, and what is prohibited today is allowed tomorrow, children will not know what to expect.
Don’t be afraid to say “no” when necessary. Of course, always remember to explain to them the reason for this prohibition so that they can understand it.
“You can’t go out to play today because you haven’t finished your homework.” “You can’t go out at night because you’re small.” “You can’t eat that dessert because it makes you feel bad and you’re allergic.”
4. You are not a bad mother for not being able to be with him at all times
This is one of the biggest concerns many mothers have. Surely you too would like to be with your child at every moment. However, your work takes away many hours and you must make great efforts to coincide with his schedules to pick him up from school and eat with him every day.
Don’t worry, you are not a bad mother for not being with him every second. What really matters is that every second you are with your child are quality moments. Complicity, care and love work in them.
When you are at home with him, give him top priority. Heed all their words, their doubts, their comments. Make every second count.
Children must understand that we all have responsibilities: you work and they have to go to school. It is not easy to be together 24 hours a day, and it is not the right thing to do either.
Children must mature and fend for themselves as well. They will always know that whenever they need us, we will be there unconditionally.